The Hair in the Bathtub

John is armed to do battle with the dreaded stray hair.

John is armed to do battle with the dreaded stray hair.

Trust me; I do know how to clean a bathroom. A germ is soon to depart this world, a dirt has no place to hide, but that one pesky hair in the bathtub or shower, not to mention the sink and toilet — I wipe it out and look back and another one has appeared. I am not talking about that little nest of hair in the drain. That is no problem — it is gone! It is that one, last hair that I wipe out, then look back and see another. They seem to reappear almost like magic.

One theory among inn sitters is that they are not really hairs at all. They are, in fact, space aliens that appear from a different galaxy and dimension to try to establish contact with us. (Who says they have to be big and terrifying?) That would explain how they seem to materialize out of nowhere, but I have trouble with that theory. If they have space travel technology that advanced, I think they would have technology to zap me before I could wipe them out. If they are totally peaceful aliens who have never developed weapons technology, they would have given up on us as far too violent and stopped coming here.  I have to believe they are hairs.

There is nothing quite like the sight if a hair in the bathtub or shower to suggest to a guest that the bathroom might not have been properly cleaned.  Then it builds from there. They wonder, are the towels clean? Was the linen on the bed washed and changed? Did the inn sitters wash their hands before they fixed breakfast? Are the plates clean? Pretty soon the guest is calling the health department to report a filthy house. Worse yet, they write an unfavorable review on one of the travel sites. All because of a hair in the bathtub!  Forgive me, my mind just spun out of control!

I do know how to clean a bathroom. I thoroughly clean the bathtub and notice a stray hair. I wipe it out and look and spot another hair. I clean it out and wait for a few moments. If I don’t spot another hair, I move on to the sink. When the sink is clean, I look back at the bathtub. Sometimes, another hair has appeared.   I wipe it out. As I move on the toilet and the floor, I continue to check the bathtub. Finally, I finish, check once again for a stray hair and leave; hoping one does not find its way back into the tub.

A bathtub free of stray hairs: That is the guest’s litmus test of a clean bed and breakfast.

John Lang

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